Running

Ahhh, yes. You read the title of this one correctly. My somewhat bigger than average rump is now running. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. It's more like a fast walk/jog/attempt to remember to keep breathing sort of thing. I have left the state of Oklahoma (where I knew a total of 4 avid runners) and am now in Nashville, TN. There's a LOT more running fools here. I go to a trail to run and let me tell you - it's always crowded. However, there's a wide variety of people there.

1. First of all, you've got your typical runner. I like these people. They are clearly the professional runners. The women run in sports bras and running shorts and they are extremely fit. The men are running shirtless, God bless'em cause they look great. They have miniature computers for watches and are usually on mile 15 when they pass me. For the second time.

2. Next, you have the mom runners. They are the social group. I know they really believe they are working hard but they aren't even breaking a sweat as they push their strollers, sip their overpriced waters, and gossip with their girlfriends. As a side note, they tend to take up the walking space with their overpriced strollers. However, since they are one of the few groups I can run faster than, I don't complain much.

3. Then you have the really, really beginners. I am no longer in this group. I'm not sure how I advanced out of this group except that I have a proper sports bra and the women here do not. They make me want to stop them and beg them to go to a specialty store and get something to hold the gals in place better. I have these terrible visions of the headlines, "Woman falls after breasts trip her. States, 'No one told me this could happen!' "

4. And those paved paths through the woods are too tempting for the bicyclists that ignore the signs for no speeding. They are the reason my music is very low. Unfortunately, I don't usually hear them over my breathing but I stick to the side as much as possible and have yet to be run over. I sense my day is coming. Or they may be tripped by someone's loose breast (see group 3)

5. And then my favorite - the business walker. I don't really know what the hell that person is doing out there. They are dressed appropriately but are actually having a business meeting on a Blackberry while on the trail. Makeup still completely intact, hair unmussed. Basically just taking up room.

And then there's little ole me. I'm the one, huffing along at a snail's pace. I'm actually considering getting a shirt with the letters DNR printed on the front and back so if I do collapse and some good Samaritan calls the paramedics they will know just to bury me and not to resuscitate me. My face is beet red, sweat is dripping and by time I'm done it appears I've done a marathon. Or a half marathon. How far did I go? 3 whole miles. On a good day. And I'm pretty damn proud of it.