You can't have you cake AND eat it too

This post is probably going to piss off a lot of you married folks.  Oh, wait.  No one reads this.  My own mother doesn't read this.  Mostly because my mother doesn't get the idea of an online world.  She has email that she checks about once a month and she knows she can pay her bills online but don't even ask her about facebook, twitter and most certainly about a blog.
  However, this isn't about my mother's lack of knowledge of the internet.  This is about married people and what they ever so charmingly refer to as "date night".  Ugh.  Gag me.  I am about to completely burst your bubble, married folks.  The only way you get a date night is if you are cheating on your spouse.  Yup.  See, YOU got married.  So you stopped dating when you had that big party, made us all dress up (remember those - "it can be worn again!"), and we catered to your every whim for a day.  Or in some cases,  a week.  Or six months.  Whatever.  I did all that.  And I really did it with a smile on my face and for the most part I meant it.  I really did.  I only faked it a few times.  Oh, but with the invention of facebook people feel the need to keep me abreast of every teensy detail of their lives.  This includes what you married peeps call date night.  HA!  Jokes on you.  You don't get a date night.  You get a "night away from those screaming toddlers that you thought were going to be so much fun and in fact like to yell all the damn time and trash the house".  But I'm guessing that's too much to put on a facebook status.  See, the thing is, I get date night.  And I get it with different people.  Don't like Friday date night?  No problem!  Saturday's a different date!  Enjoyed Friday's?  Great!  Let's book it again for next weekend!  The best part is that I don't even feel like I'm escaping when I do it.  That's what a date actually is.  Now, before you start to get all pissy about this, just remember - you get the holidays with a standing date for all work functions, someone to snuggle you whenever you want it, and if you're very lucky, someone to make the coffee in the morning.  If you're me - you have a Keurig so you get coffee in about 30 seconds and don't give a rat's ass about the other stuff.

Prozac all around!

I just heard that some woman broke in line at a drive thru window, was refused service for her bad actions, then decided she did not have to move her car when asked by the restaurant staff to do so.  The authorities were called and as a result this woman was tasered.   Had to be physically hit with a stun gun because she wanted her Big Mac and fries so much that she broke the rule everyone else learned in first grade (remember no frontsies, no backsies?) and then refused to leave when asked by the management at the place.  What on earth gives her the right to 1. treat the other patrons like that and 2. treat the people working there like that?  Does she think her need for some McNuggets outweighs everybody else's?  I don't care if you've got an entire busload of kids screaming in the back you do not get to jump in the middle of a drive thru.  That's not even an accidental happening.  

So, after hearing about this (and being completely appalled) I have decided an appropriate solution is to begin placing inhaled Prozac in public air fresheners.  They will be in every public building.   Most places have that crap anyway so why not put a little help for the people in them?  They don't even have to be changed out to a fresh scent because after the scent runs out - no one will even care!  That's the beauty of it.  Within 10 years I think they should be required for all homes being built as part of code standards.  This way by time all these kids we've massively screwed up today with the idea that everybody wins, every one's special, no one should fail even if you don't try, get to be parents everybody will be permanently happy.  

Think about it.  If that crazy drive thru lady had been on appropriate medication then when she saw how long the line was she would have asked to jump ahead.  And since no one behind her would have cared (cause they're all high on Prozac too) she would have slid in line, gotten her food and gone home.  No need for all that childish nonsense she was causing for some McRib.