Christmas, part 1

So, I flew home for Christmas. It's cheaper to fly home on Christmas Eve. So you can bet your bottom dollar that was the day I flew home. Even though my mother was somewhat worried I wouldn't make it in time for family "traditional" time at 6 or so. My plane was scheduled to land at noon. It was a 2 hour drive from the airport. I was fairly certain I was going to make it.

By now, everyone knows (or actually not everyone, but the one person who follows this page and all of my friends I've whined to) that I hate people. And crowds. And loud children. And fat old women who bathe in their perfume. Sigh. I'm really just not a nice person. I admit it, which is big of me, but really, I just don't do well with all of these things. Needless to say, an airport is just ripe to put me in a bad mood. But, it's Christmas, so in the spirit of things, I have decided to be nice and show some Christmas cheer. Or at least look forward to a good drink when I get home.

I get on the airplane. I should mention that I fly Southwest. They are the only airline that doesn't charge for your bags. I feel that if I'm paying that much for freaking travel then I should not have to pay for my luggage to also arrive with me. I have paid my extra $10 so I am in the first boarding group which is a priority for me. I like to sit in the middle to front of the plane and on the aisle. If I have to make a connecting flight I want to sit in the front. When I get on the plane there are already at least 20+ people on board. My guess is that they were from an earlier flight that was just passing through and didn't have to deplane. Okay. So I find a seat, on the aisle, in the middle. So far, so good. No overlarge people sit beside me, no screaming babies. Yes! I have achieved flight perfection!

Plane lands and I don't have to deplane. I am perfectly satisfied with my seat so I don't move when the opportunity presents itself. However, a woman with a 2 year old boards and sits a few rows ahead of me. Then the crying begins. As I'm digging in my bag for my ipod a couple get on the plane and sit down in the row across from me. Then I hear a yipping sound. Yep. They have a dog. A long haired dachshund. I like dogs and I feel sorry for this one. I don't really want to hear one bark for an hour while I'm on a plane though. Then the most shocking thing happens. I look over and the woman with the dog has gotten it out of the carrier and has placed it on her lap. I am not an expert on airplane rules but I'm pretty sure this is breaking all kinds of flight regulations. An animal on the plane that is not secured? What if someone has allergies? What if the dog gets down? What if he bites someone? No one said a word though. I'm wondering how much that ticket cost.

Meanwhile, the child up front is shrieking, crying, and making all kinds of noise indicating that she is being tortured right in front of our very eyes. Ahh, thank god for ipods. When the plane lands I notice that the mommy of the screaming child has every protruding part of her face pierced. I wondered if that's why the kid was screaming; perhaps they'd been piercing the baby in flight to match mommy.